At present the things that make me happy are: Taking good care of myself, my cat, cleaning my home, Pinterest, Yoga, Being in the CBD, catching up with friends, reading, feeling motivated, re-watching Veronica Mars, creating a Vision Board full of my goals, dancing around my room, going to shows, focusing on the good things in my life, the cooler weather we are having and being kind to myself.
My current life situation hasn’t really changed, I’m not where I want to be but every night I say out loud what I am grateful for. Things could be a lot worse, and I am confident that great things are coming my way. Now is just that icky in-between phase of life. Through my spiritual learning I know that the Universe has my back and everything is going to be okay.
In April I finally got a blood test. I hadn’t had my levels checked in over 1 and a half years so figured something might be low. Particularly because it was un-monitored and because I wasn’t the best at taking supplements in Germany (would often go 3+ months without any). Turns out my Iron levels were very low, a number 9. I hope this explains why I’ve been sleeping so much, feeling down and just generally lacking energy.
The following week I had an iron infusion via IV drip. The process only took 10-15 minutes but I was at the doctors for about an hour. Immediately afterwards I felt my shoulder area go tingly then numb. Later in the day my heart felt a little uncomfortable like it was beating faster than usual. Within a day or two I was feeling a lot better. Because body and mind are so strongly linked I really believe that my body was functioning better therefore my mind including mood and thoughts also improved. I am now taking a daily Iron supplement with Vitamin C and will check my levels again in 6 months to ensure they are where they should be (around 30-40).
Exercise has been extremely important to keeping my mind clear, positive and sharp. I’ve been going to Yoga classes once or twice per week for about 2 months now and am running several times a week.
Nothing much to report here. I haven’t hooked up with anyone in a long time. A few men from the past have messaged lately typically saying something about missing my body, which is a sure way of ensuring they will never get to hold it again. I would love to have a partner in crime, but I’m certainly not looking for one or even trying to get anyone’s attention. I have a lot more important things going on right now but if someone great comes into my life I would be happy to go all in for them
I don’t know about you, but I need to have dreams and know what I’m working towards. Without that direction I can feel so lost and just waste months doing nothing. ‘If you honor your Dreams they will be honored!’
Running: I have been training hard and will run my first ever Half-marathon on July 24th 2016. I’m feeling really good about it and know that I can do it! I can’t wait to receive that Finishers Medal and know that my body is capable of so much more than I thought.
Career: I’m not working right now, but I know that the perfect job for me is coming. I’m learning to be patient and trust the timing of my life. I’ve also applied to begin the CPA Program this year. If it is approved I will begin my studies in August. Being a CPA (Certified Practicing Accountant) is a huge goal of mine and I’m really excited to get started.
Travel: Once I am working full time again I would like to move out of my parents house, start up a share portfolio and of course travel. Right now I’m thinking about a few days on the Gold Coast in Queensland, 3 weeks in New Zealand and roughly 10 days in Mauritius. I can probably do that during 2016-2017 but I guess it will happen when it happens. I’m still very much planning to move to Toronto, Canada but it will be at the right time. I suspect it will be once I’ve completed my CPA studies, although I know I can continue my studies while abroad.
I just feel so blessed because all of my dreams and hopes for the future are totally achievable. It would be nice to have someone by my side on all these future adventures I’ll admit but I am all that I need, I am complete…. another person would just increase my happiness.
I found this hand written note in a storage box at my parents place the other week.
My aunt (my father’s twin) wrote me this note in 2003, the last year I saw her. I know it killed her that she couldn’t afford to buy me gifts for my birthdays or Christmas’s but she gave me this advice and I have never forgotten it.
‘Sometimes darling life is hard and not fair but trust me it will pass. There is always a silver lining.’
It meant a lot to me because I knew she had a tough life, she was a single mother who struggled financially & mentally. I thought that if she said the bad times will pass then it must be true.
Family is such a weird and difficult relationship. I miss her, I wonder if she thinks of me. If I was so special to her why would she ignore us all this time? Too many years have passed. People slip away and then it’s almost impossible for them to come back.
I just had to preserve this note and type down my feelings about being abandoned by the ones I thought would always be around.
April was a month of Struggles. It was an effort just to find a reason to get out of bed in the mornings. My anxiety had me scared to leave the house most days.
I pushed people away. I stayed silent. There was a lot going on in my head to deal with and I did my best to get my shit together but it was difficult.
I still have dreams about being in Berlin with my Berlin friends, and then I wake up and realize I’m in Melbourne and I may never get to see those people again. It hurts. It’s hard to leave your whole life behind and start over again. I know things will be great for me in Melbourne, but it is taking time. Patience is a virtue.
Remembering that happiness is a choice I make on a daily basis makes things easier.
The best thing in my life right now is that I joined a Yoga studio in my small town and go a couple of times a week. It gives me such clarity, deep peaceful breathing and a certain knowledge that everything is going to be okay.
Here are photos from volunteering at Edgar’s Mission animal sanctuary, a day trip to Torquay, yummy food and days out in Melbourne.