Old Fears and New Frontiers.

9 Sep

I need to be honest with you and get my thoughts out into the world in hopes that it will help me to let them go and ease into my future with peace and serenity.

I’ve had a hard time lately and have been shutting people out big time.Β The truth is life is amazing right now and I am still so grateful to be living my life in Berlin. But thinking of the future freaks me out a lot as there is so much uncertainty.

The thought of returning to Melbourne scares the shit out of me. Maybe it shouldn’t as it’s my ‘home’ but big changes like this really affect me. I don’t want to go back there right now. It’s starting again, and I like a fresh start don’t get me wrong but finding a new home, a new job, the realisation of how many friends I have lost since coming over here, the repetitive routine that leans towards things like ‘settling down’ and ‘growing up’ which is what I came over here to avoid… these thoughts are keeping me up at night. I am having nightmares that I am back in Melbourne and I keep telling people ‘no I want to be in Berlin’ where the next exciting adventure is a matter of weeks away and where there are new people and places being introduced to my life literally every week. I’m not ready to give this life up yet. The closer I get to the expiry on my visa the more uneasy I feel. There are some people and big personal issues that I am currently avoiding and I know that when I return to Melbourne I will have to deal with them. Lord give me strength.Β I need to let this go and surrender to the universe. I do truly believe that whatever is meant to be will be so there is no point in me worrying about it. I just need some help in LETTING GO.

LIFE UPDATE:

Work is awesome, seriously every time I go to work I am happy to be there and Dolores is one of my favorite places to be πŸ™‚

Next week I go back to my German course. I am a little nervous but I think this will be good for me.

There is a guy on the scene as of late June. He is always on time and I cannot help thinking of him several times a day and smiling ❀

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